Scandinavia

Whew. It's been an interesting stretch between posts.

I started tooling around Stockholm on Tuesday, and was amazed by the gorgeous sights, such as the city architecture, the greenery, and the blondery. Upon pulling out the camera to snap a few shots, however, I found that the LCD was cracked, and my camera was pretty pissed about that. So, no camera. I spent most of that day researching a replacement on the web, finding camera stores, and making the decision. Finally settled on a nice little Konica Minolta that was pricier than in the States, but only due to the 30% tax that I would get back at the border. I would just have to go to Norway next instead of Kobenhavn (Copenhagen), and get my refund by leaving the EU. Settled.

So I bought a little disposable camera and started on Stockholm. In the evening I went out with a Frenchman and two Germans, fixing to go to the Ice Bar. Everything, including the drinking glasses, was promised to be made of ice. Parkas and gloves free at the door, since the whole place was kept at -5*C. Sounded cool enough, except the bar turned out to be smaller than a public bathroom. There were four patrons inside, and the bouncer turned people away because it was full. Ended up wandering around until we found a nice pub, and we had a nice night.

The city of Stockholm is, I'll say again, gorgeous. I wandered around for some time, watched the changing of the guard at the royal palace, toured the Nobel Museum, and chatted up some locals. Cool enough. The folks in the hostel were also very fun, and I've come to the conclusion that all Italian backpackers are slightly nuts (in a loving way).

Then I got to Oslo yesterday after a gorgeous bus-ride through the Swedish countryside. Great little tour, though a toddler in the back was screaming the whole time. Really screaming. I soon realized he was indeed saying "F*** it!" over and over, much to his parent's chagrin, and it took every ounce of patience not to go back there and give the kid an additional 'vocab lesson'. Then, got into Oslo to find that the Global Refund folks wouldn't give me a customs stamp or refund for my camera, but I had to wait for the customs house to open the following day. Went when they opened, and they wouldn't do it either. Now I'm being sent back to Sweden to get this damned refund. Blah.

I also hiked around Oslo looking for a hostel. The only non-full place turned out to be closed for the summer, but I was directed to another hostel nearby. Nearby was way the hell out in the suburbs, sitting atop a nice little fjord (which isn't a fjun climb with all of one's crap on his back). Finally got there, and it's closed for the fall. Blah.

Anyhow, got a nap on the bus to Oslo, so I took a nap in the train station and figured I'd be set for a Dave Attel evening. Couldn't really go clubbing or anything since prices here are nuts. $5 Big Macs, $13 Whopper meals, and those are relatively cheap. I toured the city at night, though I was surprised by the number of non-Nordic minorities. This took a rather sad turn quickly, though, as I was hassled by a group of sketchy characters, and soon the fat African women were calling from street corners. Wished I could instead report something about the "virbrant cultural community", but them's the cards, folks.

I guess I did have a fun time, though. I ended up chilling in "Dennis Kebabs", even though I couldn't afford an $8 kebab. Had a Coke and did some reading. I wasn't reading for long when I ended up watching the in-house entertainment. A black girl (who looked rather like a street-walker) had taken some fries from a crazy old Italian guy, who was screaming about his fries and smashing his cane on the table. Another black dude tried to calm him down and give him some of his own fries, but then the African girl, speaking a bit of French, a bit of something, and a bit of broken MTV, started telling Black Dude A how she was going to kill him for interfering. She presently brought her friends, rather large black men, into this, who were describing how they would shoot BDA. BDA dared them to, as his Hispanic friend had his back. Some Spanish speaking chick then started yelling at Hispanic Friend for something or other. Mediterranean Owner was trying to calm everyone down, and Young Kebab Guys and I were just trading smiles every now and then, enjoying the show. Couldn't help but wonder which was a better analogy; the outbreak of WWI or Sal's Famous Pizzeria. Somehow the situation was diffused, with only a few slaps traded, Old Crazy Italian wandering around shirtless, and no race riots. A Coke and a Smile.

So I did Oslo today, going to a bunch of Viking museums (the Viking ship museum is quite cool), some castles, parks and some more 7-11's, my only culinary option. The Vigeland statues in Frogner park were pretty funny. The statues display the "dynamic range of human emotion," according to pamphlets, or a bunch of nudes, according to observation. Mostly, nude males. There's also a large columnar "monolith" thrusting up into the sky, and the entire park, as seen on maps, takes on an odd shape. I guess Georgia O'Keefe has her male counterpart.

And to support Lewis Black, I must say, it is the end of the world. Proof: Walk into Oslo station, stand in the doorway of the 7-11, look right, and observe the competing 7-11. Or, walk outside into the square. Look at the McDonald's to your left. Now, turn your head 180* and note the McDonald's, less than 100 yards away from the first.

Maybe I really am just going nuts. Crap, I forgot to write about the escaped convict. Maybe later. I've gotta go get dinner at 7-11.