The Alps

Wow. It's like I died and went to heaven. A heaven that drains your bank account in four days. .


Sure, some Russian or Quebecois turds may have also had a hand in that, but I live and I learn. Now Switzerland, there's an amazing irony, since the country mixes the longing to stay there forever with the urge to flee for all that is holy. Not even Bierstadt could prepare me for the scenery. Then again, lunch carries a price-tag which would make one of Al's originals seem a bargain.

Since a trip to Zermatt would be 220euro, I bought an unlimited rail pass in Switzerland for half that, and tooled around for four days. After an evening in Zurich, I went down to Interlaken, Zermatt, Lugano, past Lake Como, through Liechtenstein (40 minutes and I was bored), and back to Zurich. Four full days.

Interlaken was just amazing, and I had great weather there. What better than staring at the Alps under some warm rays? Why, riding up those mountains on a bike! So I rented a bike for the day, and started up, eventually reaching Gimmewald. After I got to the top and realized how incredibly difficult the climb was, I found a map that showed Gimmewald at 4600ft and halfway to the Italian border. So, yeah that was the hardest (and most rewarding) ride of my life.

I went down to Zermatt the following day, and the weather was a bit drizzly. When I woke up next morn, however, the sun was struggling to clear up some of the moisture. After I spent much of the morning rooting for the Matterhorn, victory was hers, as she came slicing through the thick clouds trying to wrap her up. Just amazing. Someday, should I have the income, I think taking up mountaineering would be a terrific way to throw away some money. Makes a lot more sense than a Ferrari.

Lugano and Lake Como were also quite beautiful, and prices were a bit more Italian than Swiss (a plus). I now have an appreciation for safari photographers, after trying to focus, frame shots, and beat window glare as our bus rode along winding roads at 50mph. Wait, is there such a job as a safari photographer? Maybe I just made that up.

Liechtenstein, approximately the size of my backyard, was cute enough. I bought a patch. I also took a picture. That was about it. I wandered around the tiny capital for a couple minutes; nothing. What I really don't get is the license plates on cars, since they still have seven digits, though two would likely do just as well. I have a feeling I could address a letter to 'Bob. Liechtenstein.' and get a response from him. Anyhow.

I never mention the rest of the Bavarian leg, which was indeed very cool. Munich is home to BMW, effeminate lion statues, and great beer, as well as bratwurst, Nazism, sightings of fat men in Lederhosen, and a few other things that could kill you. I got a sampling platter. The BMW museum is being completely rebuilt, though the mini-museum they have up was cool enough. I also took a free walking tour, led by a Duke grad. Unfortunately, he reinforced the stereotype of English majors working for tips. Nice guy though. Lastly, the beer was very, very good, and 5euro bought 'eine Mass'. A litre stein of beer is a sight to behold.

In my travels, and dealings with Germans, many have taken offense should I think them Bavarians (I now know Stuttgart is not in Bavaria). I guess I'm starting to understand this. Bavaria is a big southern state with an obesity problem. People there dress funny and have funny accents. There is an overt, ingrained superiority complex. Religion is big, and the conservative political climate once gave rise to a backwards leader who eventually led the entire nation into decline through his invasion of weaker states.

Yeah, I would be pretty steamed if someone mistook me for a Texan.

But as for now, I'm in Vienna. I haven't seen too much yet, other than some gorgeous buildings and parks, and bathrooms filled with incredibly racist, anti-Semitict graffiti It's funny to see it scrawled in full paragraphs, though. It's as if somebody copied their Thesis from Bob Jones University up there. Perhaps I should go see more of the city.

C'mon back, now, y'hurr?

P.S. I got the refund stamp.